Sunday, March 28, 2010

Autumn's Audacity

Oh Autumn, or Fall as you also like to be called, you are such a cruel season. Oh please, you do protest too loudly! I’ve been giving this a great deal of thought, have done my research, and have formed a solid argument that would stand up in any seasonal courtroom.
First, you shorten our days and make us toss aside the carefree attire we donned all summer. Ok, ok, that could be considered 2 points, but I’m a busy guy and would like to sprint to the finish line. Seriously, what were you thinking? It should NOT be dark @ 4:30 in the afternoon! I am not a morning person; just as I’m getting into the rhythm of the day you turn out the lights. And did it ever occur to you that some of us aren’t ready for heavy jackets and umbrellas every day? Oh sure, you claim it makes us appreciate the other seasons that much more. Sorry buddy, but that’s Winter’s argument for his nasty behavior and he used it first.
Then there’s this business of changing the colours of the leaves, creating what you like to call The Beauty of Fall. (Hmm…no ego there…) What on earth led you to believe that we mortals would enjoy, for a couple of months each year, being subjected to such beauty that even the grumpiest amongst us will stop and marvel @ the exquisite explosion of colour surrounding us……. damn, I seem to have lost my train of thought.
Lastly, my final argument proving that you are nothing more than a mean-spirited season-wannabe. As a proponent of local eating I don’t see the humour in forcing us to consume root vegetables for months on end. Potatoes, turnips, carrots, parsnips, beets, rutabegas, celeriac!! Where are the tender asparagus, the fragrant peas, the bountiful broccoli, the sun-kissed tomatoes? You say that you do this to bring attention to the under-appreciated , the often maligned, of the vegetable kingdom? Hmmm… I will admit that, as a Chef, I love the challenge I’m faced with @ this time each year. The darlings of the summer garden are just so sexy they nead very little help from me to make them shine. Have you looked @ a turnip lately? Not the cutest puppy in the litter! But with lots of TLC and respect, oh they can shine as brightly as a disco ball!
Ok Autumn, maybe you’re not as bad as I thought. Here’s a thought, let’s get together one of these days, maybe over a Scotch, and have a chat. I’ll even make you a deal… if you agree to let the sun shine until 8 pm I’ll …..well, I’ll … well, we’ll talk. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.